ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

Assertiveness is one of the key qualities that any person aspiring to succeed in his career must acquire. Assertive skills pertain to a person’s ability to communicate effectively, in such a way that opinions, feelings, and needs are expressed well to one or more people. Assertiveness involves being able to speak up your mind, being able to say ‘No’ when needed, and being able to utilize body language as a supplemental form of communication.

Assertiveness is an important soft skill that can very well take one to the top of the echelons of success. People who are assertive are confident and firm in their decisions, in the way they deal with others, and even in their own goals and aspirations thereby making them more equipped for success.

Assertive communication is the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way. It recognises our rights whilst still respecting the rights of others. It allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people. And it allows us to constructively confront and find a mutually satisfying solution where conflict exists.

All of us use assertive behaviour at times... quite often when we feel vulnerable or unsure of ourselves we may resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour. Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others (be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family) can be exciting and stimulating.

There are many advantages of Assertive communication:

• It helps us feel good about ourselves and others
• It leads to the development of mutual respect with others
• It increases our self-esteem
• It helps us achieve our goals
• It minimises hurting and alienating other people
• It reduces anxiety
• It protects us from being taken advantage of by others
• It enables us to make decisions and free choices in life
• It enables us to express, both verbally and non-verbally, a wide range of feelings and thoughts, both positive and negative

Disadvantages of Assertive communication
Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you won't always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication.

What assertive communication is not...
Assertive communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle! It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. It's definitely NOT an acceptable style of communication with everyone, but at least it's NOT being aggressive.

But it IS about choice
Four behavioural choices
There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ. These types are:

1. Direct aggression: bossy, arrogant, bulldozing, intolerant, opinionated, and overbearing
2. Indirect aggression: sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing
3. Submissive: wailing, moaning, helpless, passive, indecisive, and apologetic
4. Assertive: direct, honest, accepting, responsible, and spontaneous

There are six main characteristics of assertive communication. These are:

• Eye contact: demonstrates interest, shows sincerity
• Body posture: congruent body language will improve the significance of the message
• Gestures: appropriate gestures help to add emphasis
• Voice: a level, well modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating
• Timing: use your judgement to maximise receptivity and impact
• Content: how, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say