Collected from Dr. Visesh Blog - NLP Expert
When I attended my first neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) training ten years ago, the trainer asked us if we’d like to know two questions which could change our lives. I have used these questions consistently ever since, and they have been among the most useful things I’ve ever learned. They were…
"What do you want?", and "How will you know when you’ve got it?"
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
"What do you want?" is probably the most well-known ‘NLP question’. It takes advantage of the fact that the human nervous system is ‘goal-seeking’… ie. we operate most effectively when we have a goal or objective of some sort to aim for, so…
1) Ask yourself "What do I want?" & pay attention to your answer.
YOU CAN’T DO A DON’T
Is your answer stated in the positive (eg. to get fit & healthy, to double your income, to start a new business etc.) or in the negative (eg. to quit smoking, lose weight, stop spending so much etc.)?
Negatives aren’t processed by the nervous system in the same way that they are linguistically (eg. The command "Don’t think of a purple hippo" is difficult to obey.) You get what you focus on, so if your goal is stated in the negative, you’re making it more difficult for yourself.
2) Ensure you state your goal positively.
HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHEN YOU’VE GOT IT?
I once had a client whose goal was to become rich. I asked her how she’d know when she was rich and she said she’d have more money. So I tossed a five rupees coin to her and said "Congratulations, you’re rich." ‘More money’ did not turn out to be specific enough evidence for her having achieved her goal, so we went into the detail of what she would see, hear and feel when she was rich. This gives your nervous system a rich representation of what success is for this particular goal. So, with regard to your goal…
3) Ask yourself "How will I know when I’ve got it?"
What will you see, hear and feel as you are achieving your goal? What specific details will let you know that you are getting what you want? The more sensory detail you include, the more information you will give to your nervous system about what to aim for.
4) Ensure you have details of what you will see, feel and hear.
GET YOUR BODY INVOLVED
Once you have clear evidence (ie. how you’ll know when you’ve achieved your goal), you can engage your unconscious resources more fully by getting your body more involved. Stand up and ensure you’ve got enough space to move safely, then…
5) Imagine you are going to step in to that time in the future when you already have what you want, then literally take a step & imagine you can see what you’ll see, hear what you’ll hear & feel what you’ll feel when you are achieving your goal.
MIND AND BODY ARE SINGLE SYSTEM
Mind and body are a single system, and people often find that the process of stepping into a future achievement has a profound effect, allowing you to experience learnings and insights which may not previously have been consciously available. Often, the people most sceptical of this approach have the most powerful experiences, so if you are dubious about whether this will work for you, great – do it anyway and see what happens!
THERE ARE ALWAYS HIDDEN BENEFITS
In almost any situation, there will be hidden benefits. If these benefits are uncovered, you can find other ways to satisfy them and achieve your goals more easily. However, if you are not aware of the hidden benefits of a situation, it can make it more of a struggle to change. So, with regard to a current goal you wish to achieve or change you wish to make…
1) Ask yourself "What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?" & pay attention to your answers.
You can look for other hidden benefits by asking "What are the benefits of the current situation?" The answers to these questions may seem strange or even a bit embarrassing, but once you’ve identified them, you can begin to find new ways to deliver the benefits as you achieve your goal.
EVERY BENEFIT ADDRESSES A NEED OR WANT
A benefit is only a benefit if it addresses a need or want, so the next step is to identify the needs or wants that the hidden benefit is addressing.
2) Ask "What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?"
Anthony Robbins talks about six basic human needs, so if you’re having trouble identifying the need or want, check this list for inspiration. Robbins’ six are paraphrased as follows:
- Love & connection to other people
- Contribution to something bigger (family, community etc)
- Predictability, familiarity & security
- Unpredictability & surprise
- Growth & learning
- A sense of importance
EVERY BEHAVIOUR HAS A POSITIVE INTENTION
One of the basic presuppositions of NLP is that ‘every behaviour has a positive intention’. It can be liberating to realise that there has been a positive intention behind something you have been coding as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. Once you know which needs or wants you’ve been satisfying, you can dream up some alternatives to find even better ways to feel satisfied in the future.
3) Ask "How can I get this benefit while I’m achieving my goal?"
Use your imagination – there’s always another way of meeting your wants and needs. The great news is, you’ll often come up with ways of getting far bigger benefits than the ones you currently have.
THE POWER OF FAMILIARITY
Sometimes people will be adamant that there is no benefit in the current situation. If this happens, check how long things have been as they are. If it’s more than a few weeks, then it will have been familiar. If things have been like this for years, it will have been VERY familiar! Human beings have a deeply coded need for familiarity, so track down a new way of providing consistency & familiarity (eg. a daily practice like meditating, exercise, reading etc.) This can provide a base of stability in a changing situation.
SUMMARY
1) Use "What do you want?" with yourself & others to elicit goals
2) If goals are stated negatively, re-state them in the positive
3) Use "How will you know when you’ve got it?" to elicit evidence
4) Ensure you have answers for "What will you see, hear and feel?"
5) Step into your imagined future achievement to get further insights.
6) Ask "What are the benefits of NOT achieving this?" to identify hidden benefits of the current situation.
7) Ask "What is the need or want that this benefit is satisfying?"
8) Ask "How can I get this benefit while I’m achieving my goal?" to identify better ways of satisfying the wants & needs.
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